how long is it till i smile again
Monday, September 25, 2006
i HATE having to lie. i HATE seeing you with another girl. why is it evertime i try to tell you the words never seems to come out? it hurts having to see the one you gave your heart to give their affection to someone else. you know he doesn't like you, yet you stand afar watching them. holding back the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. its a fact of life we pull through. have a cry. go to sleep if you must. but the pain will soon fade away atleast you hope it does, not everything in life is perfect and this is no exception. i don't know what to do anymore, standing watching feeling my heart crack as he gives his attention to a girl and that girl is not you but someone else. it hurts to know that his not YOURS but someone elses. love hurts. how many crack is it until my heart falls apart entirely?i know blogging abt this is kinda depressing but yeah i dunnos just felt like getting it out there. it cuts evn more to know that you can't give your affection to this one boy who had openly given his heart and soul to you. i can't do this to him. his so innocent, so oblvious to the fact that if i accepted it i would only hurt him. break his heart, send in falling into the ground. i'm not the girl he should be liking. espcially with his personality and kindess his too good. it hurts. i really do wish that if i could change things i'd change the way i feel and fall for him the one who openly gave everything to me, the one person who was willing to take all the heart break i've caused, the one who has bee there for me despite knowing i'll never be his, the one who i had so cruelly turned my back on, walked away from. if this could be different i wish the guy i liked was him. but i can't change things i can't make this better i'm only human. i make mistakes too. yet i haven't evn been able to mend my own heart how am i evn supposed to mend his? i'd do anything to make him happy. anything to make him the same guy he was before he met me. before he learnt how much it hurts to love a girl he knew would never love him in return, i know underneath it all his is sad, dissapointed and cut deeply. i really do wish i could make things different.
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
8:20:00 PM
how girl am i ?
Sunday, September 03, 2006
[x] my fingernails are almost always painted[ ] during the summer the only shoes I wear are flip flops [x] my favorite toys as a child were Barbie’s [x] my favorite color is pink or purple[x] I did Gymnastics[ ] I love (MINI) skirts [ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop[ ] tight jeans are the only jeans I’ll wear now [x] I love chocolate[x ]I've never had a real jobTOTAL:6[x] My hair is almost always straightened [x] I have at least 8 bebo pictures[x] I usually go shopping once a week[x] I love to hang out at the mall with friends[x] I have a real gold ring or gold necklace or gold earrings [ ] I've gone to a tanning salon[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim[x] I have at least 4 pairs of shoes [x] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach [x] I change my display picture weekly [ ] I wear a shower capTOTAL: 8[x] I shop at supre[x] my cell phone might as well become a part of me[x] I wear mascara once or more a week[ ] I've been or am on a diet[x] bikini's are adorable[x] I don’t know the difference between a sheep and a goat.[ ] big sunglasses are hot [ ]I have gotten my nails done[x] I own over 5 purses[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channelsTOTAL: 6[ ] all I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys[x] I love to have my other girls do my hair[x] I give and receive hugs from my friends[x] I hate bugs almost all of them[ ] carnivals are so fun![x] Summer is THE best season [x] my swimsuit has 2 pieces[ ] I’m waiting for my knight in shining armor[ ] emotional musicians are so hot[ ] you write me a poem/song and tell me I’m beautiful and I’m all yours TOTAL: 5[x] I am self-conscious[x] I cry often[ ] my car smells like Lavender or cherry[x]my dishes get washed more then once a week[x] I don’t like to play sports[x ] I HATE to run[x] I squeal when I am surprised or angry[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack[ ] I love romance novels[ ] Orlando Bloom is so cuteTOTAL: 5[ ] I dance a lot[ ] I only have like 5 billion make-up products[x] I love to get dressed up.[x] every part of my outfit needs to match[x] I talk on the phone at least once a day everyday to my friends/boyfriend[ ] I would love to have a photo shoot of myself[x] I apply lip stuff 2 or more times a day[ ] I wish I were a modelTOTAL: 4[ ] If only I could meet Paris Hilton[ ] I have been something that was semi ............ on Halloween[ ] I own Uggs[x]Hip Hop is the best music[ ] I always wear necklaces[x] I like to be the center of attention[ ] guys with Mohawks are crazy [ ] horses are beautiful[x] I'd rather not pay attention in school[ ] Cats are adorable TOTAL: 3[ ] I write my own music[x]I would love to visit Hollywood!!!!![x] Valentine's day is so cute![x] white is better then black[x] You will never see me in all black[x] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes[x] Scary movies scare me TOTAL: 6[ ] I love to gossip (about people i don't like)[ ] I had Hillary Duff posters as a kid[ ] I love Celine Dion[x] my bubble baths are 1-2hrs long-sometimes[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other. [x] I like little kids[ ] Diet drinks are the best[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonaldsTOTAL: 2[ ] i check 'my space' and 'bebo' everyday [x] I love life![x] I have a lot of jewellery![ ] my screen name(s) have x's in them [ ] either one of my msn names has/had ♥ or <3>
[x] I would never want to be the opposite sex
[x] It's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it
[ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed
TOTAL:4
MUAHAHAHA i am .. 44% girly MUAHAHA
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
12:11:00 PM
